Thursday, January 1, 2009

2008 into 2009

Well, well, well. Two Thousand Eight. What. A. Year. So many things happened to me that I couldn’t believe possible to happen for me. I cannot even begin, but where to start?! I guess probably at the beginning of 2008!

I started off the year a bit distraught from my bad experience working at a major airline. I had to leave for unfortunate reasons, so I was left without a job and not in school. I had spent rest of 2007 sitting at home on the computer doing nothing. Life was wasting away and fast. I didn’t like it. I was a bit confused in my life right now. I was about to turn 21 in Feb and a lot of the goals I had set for myself personally hadn’t been accomplished yet.

I always knew I was bisexual at least, I never questioned that. I stumbled by happen chance to a website about a deaf man who was also gay. Hmmh, to my surprise there was someone else like me?! I know that was probably a stupid question but for a guy who lived entirely in the hearing world, and where being gay was still not the most open thing ever, I was shocked to see it. I logged on to his website started talking to him and grilled him 50 million questions. I couldn’t believe it, I met another gay man who was also deaf too!

I met so many more deaf people online. In 2008 I met more deaf people online or in person then any other year as far as I can remember all thanks to Seekgeo’s site, I of course had to go visit him and his boyfriend Jes to hang out and be around someone else who was deaf like me. As I had never had that.

I began to meet more gay people in the spring but not deaf just hearing. I soon found my comfort level and was amazed to meet and hang with people who were also Gay and bisexual like me. We had things in common and that was great to me. But alas, I was still alone and lonely. No girl or guy really gave me a chance to date me or try me out or anything.

Then one Sunday after work, the weight of being gay weighed on me and I broke down and cried. Not ashamed that I was gay, but the fact I was hiding it from my mom. I couldn’t stand lying anymore. The people I was seeing, where I was going. I wanted to be able to say I lived a life of truth. To quote a guy I know from a TV show I watched “I have been called names, had stuff thrown at me, and been humiliated but if there is one thing I can say above the rest, is that I never, ever had to live a lie” I agreed and wanted to be like him.

So come June 26th, 2008, ironically pride day in St. Louis, I came out to my mother and to any other friend who wanted to know or asked me. My mother then said, “well finally it’s about damn time, do I need to buy you condoms? When can we go to the gay bar?” I was so relieved, and was mad I hid it for this long. Of course she was ok with it, she already knew! She just wanted me to tell her on my own time.

The rest of the summer went ok, continued to hang with friends I went to a gay bar too which wasn’t to bad either! I traveled a bit more, meeting more people when possible.

Then in September I met a guy. I don’t know where we are right now but he is a great guy, cute I might add ha-ha, and we are enjoying the time together and that really is all I can ask.

I think 2008 turned out better for me then I expected. I learned SO much from that year from friends and families, met so many people in just 12 months, and finally met someone who is giving me a chance. Where will it go? I don’t know, I may have my heart broken by him or I may end up moving with him. I don’t know, just go with the flow is all I can say.

2009 may be harder for me, now that I am out, and seeing a guy, I stand to lose a lot for those who are against gay people. But to those who don’t want to get to know me because of that, it is entirely their loss and I don’t aim to waste my time with them. I do look forward to 2009 more now that I met a lot more of my goals and setting up new ones for myself.

So, thanks 2008 for teaching me a lot, and 2009 I welcome you with open arms and hope whatever happens in 2009, it was done in my best interest, and I will know in the end why the things that happened, happened.



Seek Geo said...

Hey Alex,

Wow.. what a YEAR it was for you, Alex! It sounds like a lot of things has turned into positive things which I'm very pleased to hear that.

I was happy that you found my site and you actually had guts to hi in chatbox, then the rest is history! :-D

I bet it felt so good to be out showing the true self rather than hiding it. I felt the same way when I cried to myself in my room when I was living in Australia saying, fuck that.. I cannot keep hiding for who I am anymore. So I wrote letters to my family coming out, they were like.. finally! They just knew and they has been waiting for years for me to say something. I realized that I have been lying for nothing the whole time but better now than never, right? :-)

Since you mentioned about the guy you are seeing right now. I gotta say about this movie we just watched last night, it was excellent movie!! Maybe you two can watch together, it's about two gay guys who fell in love with each other but one is still in closet cuz of his parents.

It's called "Just Question Of Love" - it's a foreign film and Netflix have it so you should put it on the list! We rated it 4 out of 5.

Look forward to see how 2009 goes for all of us!


Seek Geo said...

Eh.. actually "Just A Question Of Love."


Jay said...

Hello Alex,

Happy New Year, and I am glad we've met.. I hope we can meet up in person some day soon before we all become old farts!

It is a great feeling to come on out to friends and family and no need to hide or lie to them.

Wish you the best for 2009!

Love ya!

Deaf Pixie said...

Glad you come out of closet.

Appuald you for get out of your body system of pressure to keep secret for long time and you did expressed of your feeling to your mom.

Nothing shame about being your own sexuality as your own life what you belongs. Glad that Everything you must admitted! I know it is not that easy until you finally tell by yourself.

Remember that Soon to be president Obama. It might be change alot after Jan 20th .. Wait and see what it will changed for Civil Right.

Remember to be serious about strong! Be more serious!

kym said...

I'm a new reader, hope you don't mind.
What a big, impressive year 2008 was for you.
Congrats on coming 'out' and welcome!
I know how scary and unsure it can be coming out, but once you do it is like a huge burden is lifted off of you.
It is a breathe of fresh air to be able to be true to yourself. It is a big step for us all.

Have a great 2009,

aa said...