Sucker Balls

Hello my friends! How was Halloween for everyone? I had a great time. October was an awesome month for me, getting to meet few friends and traveling once again to Philly and New Jersey. It seems every month I like to start it off with a bang about something funny with me. Today was absolutely NO exception.

First, I want to explain a bit about my hearing and how I understand people. While I am oral and can speak fluent English and read lips pretty darn well, even from the sides sometimes. I met a man who challenged me to no end. It certainly wasn’t any anal rice as abbie graciously shared with us. However this certainly was on par with sexual innuendos.

I was sitting at work on my laptop minding my own business when this young college student walks in. I spoke up and said, “Good afternoon how can I help you?”

He walked around and said something but because I read lips I couldn’t understand him. I asked him “Pardon?”

He turned to me and said, “Do you sell any sucker --*incoherent word*?”

I was almost taken aback at this request and was convinced I was not hearing him or reading his lips correctly. All I caught was sucker something.

I said, “Excuse me I didn’t understand what did you ask?” I recognize he had a heavy accent from what seemed to be Nigerian or somewhat.

He said “sucker balls (in my head OH BALLS!), do you sell any sucker balls I need one to play with today”

My eyes just rose at this young man. I was thinking really dirty stuff of course i.e., is this man gay and he is bored and wants something to suck on? Or better yet he hasn’t “had any” and he is desperate? I was like this isn’t a sex shop here!

So I once again asked him to repeat one more time, and this time I straightened up, flared my nose and burrowed my eyes to focus right on his lips. Trying all my powers to hear and pick up everything he was saying. And what came out of his mouth.

“I said, do you have any sucker balls? You know that you bounce and play with sometimes”

Now I am convinced he is being serious at this point. Without trying to embarrass myself and probably more than likely misunderstanding him I asked him to describe it. I thought maybe he was thinking of a candy they suck or something.

I said, “Sir, can you describe this sucker ball? Is this something you eat, lick or what?”

Now HE was taken aback and stared at me like I was the idiot and didn’t have a stinking clue what he was saying. He probably was thinking, “ok this boy is strange asking about my balls or something!”

I just stared at him with the utmost respect and straight face I could manage to keep my composure trying not to laugh at the ideas raging through my head. Over and over I was thinking sucker balls, sucker balls, what on earth…

He then said “No! These balls are black and white sometimes you can kick them-- *he then proceeds to stand back and attempt a field goal kick in front of me which if there really was a sucker ball he would have done so--* ,and score with them!”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! SOCCER BALLS” I yelled, probably scaring the balls out of him! I continued, “Oh you mean soccer balls!!! Ok I get it now—and no we don’t, sorry”

He looked at me probably trying to figure out if he should run for it now or laugh at me. Either way, I wouldn’t have blamed him at this moment.

He continued and said, “Yes yes, now you understand SUCKER BALL (I still was hearing and reading sucker..Oy!). He then asked, “Do you have any sucker teams?”

At this point I let out a HAHA and immediately clamped my mouth shut. I could have said so many jokes at this point but I felt the poor guy had been through enough with me. I told him “no I don’t believe we have any soccer teams around here”

He thanked me for my time and told me I should speak to the manager about getting those sucker balls. Apparently, they sell well around here.

Alex